Blimey Charlie Jackson

I've been a busy bunny over the last errmmm month or so. My husband managed to injure himself during the icy conditions we experienced just before Christmas. So I have now suddenly acquired a full size baby, that needs hosing down at regular intervals. He is pretty incapable of doing anything for himself at the moment (strangely that reminds me of my father - my mother does everything bar wipe his arse.. and I'm not certain she doesn't do that). Luckily this should be a temporary thing, and he should be up and whingeing in about 3 to 6 months! Dear God that's too long, I feel like smothering him already. We were told he'd be incapacitated for several months, my response to this was, but I only have enough patience for two weeks! I don't think the consultant was amused....

Anyway, I have had a quiet time on the chat lines only able to put in a few hours a week, due to husband babysitting, and district nurse visits. We never knew what time one of the health care professionals would be visiting. I suspect it might not be appropriate if one walked in on me with vibrator turned up to 'hair raising', slapping my thigh with a wooden spoon, and yelling I'm a bad girl.

*Trade Secrets (don't read if you are a chat line user and want to maintain the magic)

Whilst the chat girls I know, myself included, all want to give our lovely boys a great time,we can't be (nor would we want to be) constantly playing with ourselves the whole time we're online, we'd be exhausted, and sore. In fact if I did it at all my husband would go ballistic, and consider it a form of adultery - and we're not into the whole swinging, or cuckold thing! So most of us girls employ sound effects and a good imagination to satisfy our customers. We undeniably sometimes get turned on by talking about sex for hours on end, but don't have the time or inclination to 'go with it'. However it is a job like many others, that requires a level of detachment and monitoring of your clients responses to what your saying (which you might not be able to do if you were thrashing about yourselves),to be able to give the best phone sex experience. So many of us ladies, whilst not usually sitting there in jim jams, curlers, a fag in one hand and control box in the other to pause Eastenders. We ARE often sitting there with a pot of squelchy stuff, something buzzy, a belt, something to make slapping noises and a jug of water to simulate pee... Although I have been very glad of a watersport call when bursting to go to the loo and am getting too many calls to be able to log out... needs must and both of us are satisfied.

Some of the girls are happy with getting straight into the filth, whilst others amongst us start off more subtly. These are the girls that are most likely to build up a 'stable' of regular nice callers who either just want a chat, or a chat and relatively straight forward 'loving' type 'sex'. I have to admit that I would miss several of my regular callers if I never spoke to them again. Some of the girls I speak to who also work as chat operators out of curiosity did a little poll to see if any of us had ever actually masturbated whilst talking to a caller. Yes it's that unusual/rare that we had to ask if any of us had EVER done it), and when we all got over the 'oh god shall I admit it, what if I'm the only one' fear, it turned out that everyone had 'done it' at least once, - but not as a regular thing, and so rarely as to be very out of the ordinary.

All I can say is you're in with a better chance of a girl really getting jiggy with you (on the phone of course) if you are expecting a 'normal' experience, rather than barking orders like push your dildo up your arse, and your fingers in your pussy. Engage with the operator, tell her what you want She's not a bloody mind reader. Describe yourself and what you'd like to be doing to her at that moment, or what you'd like her to be doing... Don't bash your wang against the phone, or squelch your foreskin up and down and get her to listen... it doesn't turn us on! we're different to men.. In some ways... It helps if you have a pleasant voice and are friendly..

Of course none of the above will mean the girl on the other end is deffo playing, but you never know, there's a better chance than if you shout 'frig yourself for me' down the phone.

We don't mind of course what you want (as long as it's legal) , or whether you are shy, or chatty etc., we are doing a job and appreciate we are giving a service and you are the most important thing, not us... In the context of our job. Personally I don't even care if you shout abuse at me, it goes over my head, and I still get paid, if you choose to throw your money at me that's your business. Verbal abuse dose happen. I have had a couple of abusive calls, but I'm quite a friendly soul, and can have a laugh. So I've mostly been lucky enough to be able to diffuse the situation, I've not had to hang up on an abusive caller yet. About six months ago I had had a group of Indian gentlemen ringing up to take the piss out of and wind up a chat girl. They were rude and trying to humiliate at first, but I joked with them, was polite and asked them questions, and we ended up having quite a nice (non sexual) chat. One of them still rings me regularly.

A short list of top hates of a chat operator

Callers who mumble or whisper, so that we can't hear/understand them. Speak up, or you won't get the best experience

Callers who try to give us,or get us to give personal phone numbers/details. It's not a dating agency, we're doing it for the money. You're not worth losing our jobs over

Callers who try and slip illegal things into a conversation. Like anything under age or incestuous. By far and away the most requested illegal act is incest with a family member(usually parent or sibling) YUCK, and at the risk of seeming rude FUCK OFF!!! YOU ARE SICK - and will be reported.

Callers that make slurping and licking noises (or similar) we understand that the guys seem to like that, but we tend not to.

Callers that want us to scream loudly (cum) for ages, and ages, without much input from themselves. In real life how many women do you know that will have screaming orgasm after orgasm, within seconds of starting sex, and have one after the other within minutes! It hurts our throats, and our neighbours/children/spouses/dogs would be none to happy either. Dont ask, it's stupid.

Pet hates about other operators

Girls who don't care about the service they give and are sloppy and unprofessional. They themselves lose out in the end as they will only get short calls and earn less. However they give us all a bad name in the meantime, and could put potential regular customers off ringing any of the other girls with that company.

Girls who pick up the phone all breathy and start sex talk straight away

Girls who are too stupid to just talk to the caller, and seem to work from a script, not listening to what the guy wants. You give us all a bad name.

Girls who are rude about our boys (and sometimes female callers too) as a matter of course. I know I've made a list of pet hates, but it doesn't mean I don't enjoy talking to the majority of the chaps, and every job has minor irksomenesses.

Girls who fall asleep on callers... It happens...

Girls who go into the operator thing thinking it's easy and all they have to do is oo and ahh

Girls who do it just for a few weeks before Christmas, nicking the callers from girls who do it all year long just when they really need the money. Our boys can be fickle, and if they hear new voices they are going to try them out. Nothing wrong with that I know, and they usually come back to their favourites, it's just the timing sucks.

End of moany list.


Update on the rat situation. I am now the proud owner of a three story, (with a fourth 'mezanine' floor, rat palace, which I am still trying to coax Neville into. She is still alive and kicking, and I have noticed that she has distinct dietry preferences. She loves brocolli and chicken, oh and ritz biscuits, but not keen on the traditional rodent weakness of peanut butter and chocolate. She is obviously a health conscious rat.

Anyway. A very belated Happy New Year. I'm off to bed now early start in the morning. Hopefully I will have other things to talk about than sex chat and rats next time. :)