Mouse in the house

Yesterday started well, I had logged on as my alter egos Cathy and Samantha (imaginative ey) and had a nice long call from a regular who wanted his bottom filled with custard and then pumped with a strap on, - that was with Samantha my 'specialist' alter ego, but then things got surreal... It says a lot about my job that the custard thing didn't seem surreal!!

I logged off to get some housework done before dealing with a client in my professional job (and no professional does not mean prostitute or escort), on stepping outside I notice one of my cats has a rather bedraggled mouse hanging from her jaws. I love mice but this 'batch' of cats are murdering bastards and I have become slightly hardened to the sad little corpses of wildlife they leave at my door - or worse dismembered bits, or just a kidney. I only let them out for a couple of hours a day to try and 1. Keep them safe from being run over, and 2. to try and minimize their impact on the local wildlife. When I first unleashed hell in the form of three 6 month old kittens and their mother on the smaller fauna of the area my comment was let the blood bath begin. However back to the bedraggled mouse, I noticed that when puss briefly put down the mouse it moved and tried to crawl away, this precipitated a curious coaxing whine from me as I lowered my posture to seem unthreatening and crept towards the criminal cat, sweetly cajoling, "good girl, well done, let 'mummy' have the mousy". This cut no ice whatsoever and she snatched the dazed animal and legged it, at which point I launched myself ungracefully through the air in a misjudged attempt to give chase, I tripped and flew forward landing on a bucket, the bruises on my ribs, cut to my hand and arm are nothing, as to my delight my clumsy crash landing made the miscreant drop the mouse which had the sense to stagger off under our gate and (you would assume) make its escape. I tried to capture the recidivist and take her inside before she could follow the little critter or go off and slaughter another in its place, she was too quick and leapt the wall in a single bound, which led me to the ruinious line of thought... what if the mouse is dazed and she gets it after all? So I opened the gate and there in a clump of grass was the damp (with cat spit) rodent quivering and dazed. I thought mmm poor thing it has no cuts so I'll put it in a deep box inside, feed it up and see if it recovers some strength before letting it loose again. Neville as she became known did indeed recover enjoying the cereal and apple that I provided her with, she recoverd enough to make her escape from the 24 inch deep large plastic smooth sided box! by this morning she had eaten through my phone line! leaving me panicking looking for a spare cable to get online in time for my regulars! so my altruistic act has cost me money, and I know have a mouse 'problem' Amazon here I come, "half a dozen humane traps please sir" before my cats eat Neville.